8:33 p.m. - 2002-09-17
who is writing this script? in which I treat you to some random dialogues that I find amusing
So the random amusing witticisms I promised you.
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We have two sinks in our kitchen. (That's not the witticism. Be patient.) One sink has a dishwasher on either side, and that's where we put normal plates, cups, and silverwear. The other sink has one dishwasher and that's where we put pots and pans. Usually, people avoid the "pot sink," as it has been dubbed. No marijuana reference intended.
Since there are now only three of us, we have divvied up kitchen duty in three ways, as per Mom's suggestion: Pot Sink, Dish Sink, and Miscellaneous (putting away food, wiping counters, etc.).
Last night, I did the dish sink.
Jessica: "So who's on dish duty for the other sink?"
Kelsey & Alexa (simultaneously): "Me."
Jessica: "Well, who did miscellaneous last night?"
Kelsey & Alexa (simultaneously): "Me."
Jessica: "You guys, there's not that much! There's just... a lot."
Aren't I coherent?
*
A related kitchen duty one:
Jessica: "Wait, Alexa, are you doing dishes tonight?"
Alexa: "I'm Miscellaneous."
Kelsey: "Oh, hi, Miscellaneous."
*
I think I'm going crazy. Last night, as I was getting ready to take a shower, I put my underwear in the hamper and hung my jeans over the back of a chair, only to realize that my jeans were in the hamper and my underwear was sadly hanging over a chair.
*
At dinner, we were talking about having common sense. I don't have it.
Kelsey: "Well, what IS common sense, anyway?"
Jessica (not hearing the question): *clap clap* "93 days until 'The Two Towers'!"
*
Kelsey, Alexa, and Dad watched "Yellow Submarine" yesterday. There's this one part where His Blueness, a blue meanie, tells Max that Max can never answer "yes" to anything. So His Blueness asks Max all these questions like "is everything ready?" and Max responds "no, your blueness."
Mom: "Go get some more salad, girls. No dessert until it's all gone."
Alexa: "No, your blueness!"
*
Mom then brought up the point that the level of maturity here has severely decreased since Lauren left. I'll have to do something about that, but for now I didn't want to.
Mom: "Jessica, don't you want to take up Lauren's rank?"
Jessica: "Are you kidding? I don't want to smell!"
Dad: "Well, you know, I've been meaning to tell you..."
*
Speaking of smelling, I had an interesting experience with my deodorant the other day.
I ran out of deodorant after one armpit.
Growled, threw on a shirt, went to the bathroom and got my travel deodorant.
Clicked the deodorant twice, then promptly dropped it upside-down on my carpet.
Whoops.
*
Ok, first, to understand this next dialogue you should have read the bit in this entry about my ceramic sculpture. Basically, in ceramics one day, I was bored, and made a thingie with a mirror and two severed fingers, and splattered red paint on it. I thought it looked really cool, but Mom and Dad decided I was severely unhinged and sent me to Marsha. Damn, what's so "severely unhinged" about severed fingers? Actually, don't answer that.
Anyway, Alexa was lying on my floor, and I was lying on my bed working on DPH.
Alexa: "I can see your fingers!"
Jessica: "Wha? But the box is blocking you! Where are my fingers?"
Alexa: "By the loft steps."
*
About a week ago I was going through my cd rack and cleaning out cds to give to Kelsey and Alexa, because I needed space.
Jessica: (handing Alexa random cd, I think it was Alien Ant Farm): "Here. I've never listened to this. If it's good, give it back."
Alexa: "Oh, thanks!"
*
We have a family joke about Dad making Lauren feel worthless when he edits her essays or helps her with her homework.
You know what I would dearly love to do next time? I would love to say, "Dad, you're making me feel worthless. All my life you taught me that I was only worth what men would pay for me!"
*
Don't you ever wonder who's WRITING this script?
