3:56 p.m. - 2002-08-28
miscellaneous ramblings and reflections on the past year
I'm home for good, which means, I suppose, that I can unlock this diary. Won't that be exciting? I decided, however, that I'm going to wait until next week. Then, David will be at Bates and Lauren will be at Middlebury, and ... I'll unlock this.
I'm back in a depressed and pissy mood and can't exactly pinpoint the reason. I mean, I SHOULD be in a good mood.
Reasons that I should be in a good mood: I got three pairs of pants this morning and two shirts. I got a letter from Katie today, and when I got back from Nantucket I had a postcard from Rob, a letter from Missy, and letters bounced back from Kelsey and Alexa. My poison ivy is so much better, practically invisible and it doesn't even itch anymore. My tan hasn't faded yet and neither have the sun streaks in my hair. My amazon.com package with "253" by Geoff Ryman and "The Waterboy" DVD arrived and the package with "Lady Knight" should be coming soon. I ordered the collector's box edition of "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" with a five-disk director's cut, with my $60 leftover Chanukah money from last year. I sent out an email to everyone from CTY two years ago and to my hall one year ago, and it's amazing how people stay in touch. I sent these emails yesterday, and already I've gotten responses from Zach & Josh from my first year, and Tracy and Marla from my second. I have nice chatty emails to respond to from Michelle, Rob, and Garvey. Rachel emailed me her address and Joe emailed me a picture of him cross-dressing. Everyone from CTY who I wrote to has said that they got my letters and loved them especially the pictures. Pippa said she wrote back and I can't wait to get it. I had an excellent conversation with Matt yesterday online. A happy conversation and he said that he and Anthony had both thought I was gorgeous. Ahhh I can't wait to go back to CTY next year. Anyway, what else should make me happy... I finished reading the first two acts of "Tartuffe." I bought an agenda book, though not the exactly right kind, and went through the whole thing to write in birthdays. I'm pretty much packed for our Vermont trip this weekend. Dad set up my bulletin board in my room and I'm having fun putting stuff up there: ads for Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, my "Jessica" sign from CTY, my "Rent" ticket, a photo from CTY 2000, a Legolas bookmark. I put all of my photos from CTY 2000 in an album in a pretty good order. Missy is in my physics class. I have two frees in the six-day cycle with Jackie and one with Missy. I have AP Psych with Missy and Jackie and Sarah. Ben R., the coordinator of the Center for Distance Education, FINALLY emailed me back (I'd left him a message on the phone yesterday and emailed him over a month ago) to say that he'll try to think of some way I can remain involved with the writing tutorials this year.
Reasons that I am pissy: Period cramps, and can't take Tylenol because it could mess up my poison ivy medication. I hate packing. Three more acts of "Tartuffe" to go. The two old computers are being unplugged tonight and gotten rid of. I want mail. Matt has a girlfriend who loves him. David loves fucking his girlfriend. FYE had saved me a huge gorgeous pop-out LOTR display stand thingie, and I only just got the message that I could have it when I got back, and today we went to the mall and I found out they threw it out 3 days ago. I only have $30-something and this is Not Good, as I wanted to buy the soundtrack from "Moulin Rouge" which I can't do now because I might want to buy things in Vermont. I have despaired of ever catching up on people's diaries. I'm suddenly tired of listening to my CTY mixes. I can't sleep at night. I hate hot weather. I don't want school to start.
Ok, so maybe I have reason to be pissy. But... meh. Ok, that's enough bitching. Let's see.
last two days in Nantucket were fine. Saturday night I watched "Moulin Rouge" again with Lauren, Kelsey, and Alexa. Dad left after only a little bit because he didn't like it, Kelsey liked it, and Alexa didn't like it. I loved it and cried even more than the first time. :( On the last day, just to prove I could, I went for a bike ride with Alexa. I hadn't gone for two years, and damn, my butt was SORE. I used Kelsey's bike, which had shocks, but those don't really help on deep sand roads. In the afternoon it finally cleared up and we made it out to the beach. Monday morning we had to get up at 6, packed, did errands, took the 10:00 ferry. I wrote to Zach on the ferry, who's now at Swarthmore.
You know what? That makes me feel ridiculously young. I've never had a problem with being a year younger than everyone else in my grade. Sure, it seems a little weird celebrating everyone's sweet sixteens before I'm even 15, but I'm USED to it. But I have a lot of much older friends, and I feel like there's too far of a gap when they go off to college. Zach is at Swarthmore. Carly (writing tutorials) is at Yale. More of my friends are probably in college that I've lost touch with. Amanda (CTY 2001) is at Boston U. I don't think I realized at CTY my first year, when I was thirteen, that I really was SO much younger than everyone else. All these 14 and 15 and 16 year olds, and we made friends fine, but now I'm getting emails from them and hearing that Josh and Tara are seniors and Amy's going to be 18 and I just feel SO young. That made no sense.
I have some regrets about Nantucket this year. The two weeks always go back insanely, unbelievably, incredibly fast, but I usually do more than sit around at the computer all day praying for people to sign on, listening to music (CTY mixes!), and watching DVDs on Lauren's laptop. I didn't go up into the lofts and I didn't bike to the blackberry patch or into town and I didn't buy marbles at the Toy Boat and I didn't wake up early to go to the beach because there was a book I was desperate to read and I didn't put lemon juice in my hair religiously and I didn't look at enough sunsets and I didn't wake up early for the sunrise and I didn't eat lobster and I didn't ride the waves enough times and I didn't go for walks on the beach and I didn't collect seashells and I never even made it to Dionis beach and I didn't play Spit once and I didn't take pictures and I didn't take naps outside on the lounge chair in the sun and I feel like it rushed by faster than usual and I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have. Next year I'll be sixteen, done with high school, and working on my college applications. I guess I've really grown up...
I don't measure a year from January to January. A year, for me, is always from
September. School. And I know it's cliched, and I know I'll probably say the same thing next year, but this year has gone by faster than I can ever, ever remember. CTY 2001 and getting David off to Bates and September 11th and Allison's mental breakdown and the PSAT and those few ballet classes and youth group meetings and Halloween and "Felicite" French essays and tutoring Abdou and Thanksgiving at home for the first time in years and ourSeussical performance and trying to see "Harry Potter" and the SAT and REEF meetings and being sick and typing for Dr. Joan and Lauren getting into Middlebury and "Lord of the Rings" obsession and December vacation in Utah with Emma and the Gold Cup and watching "The Awakenings" in mentoring programs and chemistry extra-help sessions and trying to find a summer proram and hysterically doing every tutorial assignment the night before they were due and revisions on essays for Judy and midterms and yes this is in a semi-chronological order because I'm flipping through last year's agenda book and the OLYMPICS at Salt Lake and journalism drafts with deadlines that never stuck and watching "Almost Famous" in mentoring program and the National French Contest and Aunt Jill's book signing and tthe French subjunctive and March vacation in Utah with Maggie and Ken and watching the Oscars and seeing "Oklahoma" for Alexa's birthday and Zaira's memorial service and LOTR bookmarks and reading "Rhinoceros" in French and the Olympics article for Judy and the National Day of Silence and the Barnum performance and working in the office and staying after school for extra time on the digital media stamp project and Pilar's sweet sixteen and visits from Cassandra and the disastrous youth group conclave and making silver bottles in chemistry and Dad's various business trips (Turkey, Moscow, Argentina, etc.) and fanfiction and French quizzes every Monday on silly vocabulary and my fifteenth birthday and doctor appointments and seeing "Rent" and studying for the chem SAT II and running through Kelsey's Bat Mitzvah service and Alexa and Lauren's dance performances and having Dan work in the office and the French awards ceremony and shopping in the city and the photographer and Kelsey's big day and the brunch the day afterward and our guests and David going back to work barely speaking to Mom and Dad and the chem SAT II and the school awards ceremony and my first (the last) GSA meeting and Lauren's prom and the digital media self-portrait project (which she only gave me a 91 on) and the GSA bake sale and the French final and chem finals and Lauren M.'s sweet sixteen and Katie's goodbye party and Playland and Lauren's graduation and France and CTY and Nantucket. That's the whole year, right there, and it really flew by. Looking at the beginning of my agenda book for August 28th, 2001, I was doing the same things as now... shopping for back to school, working in the office, working out in the evening. Zoe left for Mary Baldwin and Lauren B. left (the girl who goes to UPenn; see early jessica5787 entries). You know what, this entry makes no fucking sense. I'm going to stop rambling and just quick finish up Monday.
Right, so Monday. Ferry ride, stopped at Barnes & Nobles in Hyannis (a new one!) for Starbucks and a bathroom break, they had the lovely LOTR pop-out display poster but they wouldn't give it to me either. Loooong car drive back home and I was bored out of my mind and ready to scream with frustration. One-and-a-half hour stop at the outlets. I got a pair of blue jeans. Really exciting. Had bad cramps and was bored out of my mind and ready to scream with frustration. Dinner with Aunt Dale, Uncle Jon, Allison, and Scott. Allison was home from Dartmouth after a relatively successful summer term, and Scott was finally back home after CTY, another camp, AND ski camp in Oregon. They got Chinese food. Was bored out of my mind and ready to scream with frustration. Stuck in traffic on the way home, finally pulled into our driveway after 10 PM, and still had to unload the entire car, which is no easy task: bike rack, full back, garbage in the seats, tarp with boxes in top, plus stuff that Alexis had dropped off when his car came back on the ferry the week before. Was bored out of my mind and ready to scream with frustration. See a pattern here?
And... yeah... that's really all that's been going on. Allison is over swimming right now with Alexa. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll write something interesting in the next entry, okay? Sorry to put you all through this.
