5:49 p.m. - 2002-05-17
No day but today...
**JESSICA'S NOTE** This was written on May 17th, but I didn't have a chance to upload it until now. I'm sorry my diary was locked, and it's a long story why, which I won't write now. I'm going to leave jessica5787 locked for now, and I probably won't have a chance to do a real update until after Kelsey's Bat Mitzvah... actually... make that after Kelsey's Bat Mitzvah AND the chem SAT II. :) Oh well. It might happen! And now...
5/17/02
Alrighty, and... I guess I just can't update during the week anymore, huh? Oh well. Sorry, if anyone cares.
Saturday I ended up finishing my global studies homework, and I did some work on the F-H News.
Sunday I had no time whatsoever, I got up at ten, and we were out the house at twelve, so I thought I'd have plenty of time, but then we lost 45 minutes because we had to write the cards for Mother's Day and then we all went downstairs and had a sloooow breakfast. Then we had to find clothes to wear out to the city, and, well, anyway, it just took a LONG time.
We did a little quick shopping beforehand, we went to this one store to look at hair stuff for the Bat Mitzvah. Mom got a couple barrettes to see who they fit. I got a new brush. Then we stopped at HMV, Mom and Dad said we could each pick out a CD; Lauren got the Vanessa Carlton cd, Alexa got "Aida" (hers is super-scratched), Kelsey got the soundtrack from "Dralion" (Cirque du Soleil), and I got "Rent." (They were willing to pay more since it was a birthday present.) Kelsey, Alexa, and I also all chipped in for the DVD of "Spaceballs." We have it on video, but it was only $9, and it's such better quality, and has behind-the-scenes footage and all that! YES! I am SO excited, I really hope we have time to watch it this weekend. Anyway.
"Rent" was absolutely AMAZING. It was fantastic, incredible, and wonderful. I honestly have no words except that it took my breath away. I've seen so many musicals, and I can only think of two others where I liked pretty much every song ("Aida" and "Tommy"). Lauren had seen it just after it came out, and we were deemed too young, but we had all heard the soundtrack, and the songs are SO good. We've been listening to it nonstop. The actors were fabulous. We were disappointed that we didn't get to see Adam Pascal (he was great in "Aida") but the guy who was playing Roger instead was awesome. Plus he was *really* good-looking.
(Jessica turns to Lauren during intermission: "Roger is HOT!"
Lauren: "I KNOW! It's distracting!"
Alexa: "Oh my God! He IS!"
Kelsey: "Ewwww! He's totally not!"
Mom: "Dad says he's gay."
Jessica, Lauren, and Alexa: "He's NOT!")
Anyway, after that... :) The other actors were great too, Maureen was wonderful, Mark, Angel, everyone. I sobbed, of course... Lauren had warned me to bring kleenex, and I was absolutely hysterical, Mom asked me if I liked it and I couldn't respond because I was crying so hard!
Argh... I can't even think of words to describe how much I loved the play... I can't describe it... it just gave me a whole new outlook on life. What a way to start a fifteenth year. "It's gonna be a happy new year"... and it WILL be. I'll make it be. I'm going to do well on my finals, have a kick-ass summer, and come back to school all rejuvenated and ready to work hard, knowing that it's my last year and then I can get the hell out of there and have a much, much better senior year. It's really true, though... I've regained the motivation that I lost after, hmmm, the first day of school... The only other time I can remember feeling this I-can-deal-with-my-life was after I reread "The Mists of Avalon," and then it only lasted a week. Five days and I'm still okay. The thing is... my way of dealing with things is to leave... just dream... I have a million different dreams where I do a million different things I've always dreamed of doing, and I'll never post any here, but they're my way to escape. I used to write to escape, but now writing depresses me, so I daydream. The problem is when I have to return to reality. But maybe someday one dream will come true, or maybe I won't need to dream at all because my own life will be good enough that I won't need a different one. We'll see what happens.
The only depressing thing about "Rent," though, is that it reminded me of my OLDEST dream... to be an actress. This was back when I was still outgoing and a people persun, back before I became self-conscious. Every time I saw a play, I chose one persun in it who I wanted to act, and dreamed about me acting that persun... this was why I took piano for five years, this was why I took chorus for at least four years (I've lost track), this was why I did eight sessions of musical theater, this was why I took drama at school last year, this was why I took every chance I got to be in a play at various summer camps. I wanted to be an actress on Broadway. Now I've gotten older and it's hard to let go of the dream. I don't think I really want it anymore but it's depressing to realize that even if I did want it, I couldn't have it, because I can't act and I can't sing. So for the rest of my life I'll have to be content with watching these people on the stage, these amazingly talented people who I will always want to be. Now I say that the thing I want to do most is write, and that's true, mostly... it's the thing that I most want to do that I think I CAN do. I know I can't be an actress on Broadway, but I think deep down I'll always wish I was one of those people who you watch up on the stage pouring their heart into a song that someone else wrote and you just think... wow.
Did that make ANY sense?
Hmmm. Back to Sunday.
Mom and Dad got me a tee-shirt that says "Rent" which is actually EXTREMELY tight, but I'm going to wear it anyway (probably not to school) so that it doesn't get given to Lauren or Alexa. Dad also got a souvenir program. I really want to get this book. Jane (the 94-year-old woman who used to be our next door neighbor; the character of Ethel in this story is modeled after her) sent me a $25 check for my birthday, so I think I'll get it with that. It goes a little over, but oh well. Speaking of birthday, Marsha sent me this book... I'm so happy!!! It has stories by Tamora Pierce, Gregory Maguire, Jane Yolen... I'm sure I've mentioned it before, I've been looking for it at Borders but they haven't had it the past three times. :( I'm about halfway through and it's pretty interesting. They're stories about, well, half-humans... whether it's a mermaid, a human who used to be a tree (that was Tamora Pierce's story; this is the tree from the end of "Wolf-Speaker"!), a girl who has a head of snakes, half-seal... anyway, that was cool.
And back to Sunday yet again. Damn, I get distracted easily. :) We went out for dinner at this restaurant. We've been going there for years, they actually catered Lauren's and David's Bat/Bar Mitzvahs. Dirk came too, he's a friend of Mom's from high school. Dinner was fun, but I have to agree with Alexa, my birthday WAS sort of drowned-out this year. I KNOW it sounds selfish, and I suppose it is, but it's really true. Lauren had AP's, David was in college, Alexis was moping because of a semi-break-up with Lauren, everyone was busy with Kelsey's Bat Mitzvah preparations, and even my birthday present, the play, fell on Mother's Day! Then next year I'll have AP's, the year after I could be out of the country, then for four years I'll be in college. Lovely.
Sunday night I tried to do my math and failed, so I just ended up studying for a French test. Phew. That was one LONG day. ;)
Monday, May 13th. French quiz, Mrs. H. deducted six points because she said that the "n" in "apprendre" looked too much like an "r". Damnit! Then we had classes with Maggie. She gave me this DVD and a pack of notecards with medieval women on them. I'm so psyched to watch the DVD. :) Renee came over (see the previous entry, where I wrote about dinner on 5/8) for a while, but as soon as she left, Mom, Kelsey, Alexa, and I went to the mall. I had to exchange the shirt from Carley because it didn't fit, and then while I was at the Gap, they finally, finally had blue jeans that fit me... so I had to go try them on, and get Mom's credit card, and the whole thing was a pain in the ass, I didn't have time to go to any other stores. No, actually, Alexa and I did go to FYE briefly. They had mini versions of the LOTR bookmarks for $1.50, without the rings, so screw that! I HAVE to get to a Barnes & Noble's and get them ALL!
Didn't do much work in the afternoon, I read "Time" and did a sheet of organic chemistry problems. That was it. Oh yeah. Oh well, I didn't have much time, and I DID work out. So there.
Tuesday, Ms. M wasn't there (and of course, I had digital media first period). Katie and I went to the library and I did most of the chapter on kinetics and equilibrium in my chemistry SAT II book. Go Princeton Review, I LOVE you guys, you are the best. :) When I got home from school, Mom asked me to come help write Kelsey's Bat Mitzvah speech...
...yes, it's true, Kelsey's not writing her own Bat Mitzvah speech. Why not? Because she's being ridiculous about the whole thing. I can understand, I suppose, that she doesn't want to have a Bat Mitzvah. But she's making this miserable for everyone concerned. She spent two hours on Wednesday with Dad helping him to cut and paste to create a service, a special service that Dad has put a lot of time into, making it special for HER, and she doesn't even appreciate it. She was resentful about the loss of two hours from her "time to do the SAT" (read: fanfiction). Hell, I spent two hours on Tuesday with Mom writing HER SPEECH!!!! It's unbelievable. It pisses the hell out of me. Mom and Dad have worked so hard to make this work for her, this thing is really small, sixty people (and if you think that sounds big, remember that just our family is already 20+ people), Dad has compiled a beautiful service for her, they found a dress she really likes, Mom didn't make her get new shoes even though the ones she wants to wear aren't in the best condition, everyone has been working around her needs, and she doesn't appreciate anything. YES, I realize she's nervous. YES, I realize she didn't want to do this in the first place, but there is no way in hell she could NOT have a Bat Mitzvah, and she keeps saying "this is Mom's Bat Mitzvah, Mom wanted to have one but Gramie and Grumps didn't let her." The second part is true, the first part isn't. If it was Mom's, Mom would have invited more people, because Mom doesn't like to hurt people's feelings, and that is what she has had to do because Kelsey has forced her to keep this so small. This is at HOME, in the living room. No party, just dinner outside under a tent with the people who came to the service, and a brunch on Sunday morning for family only. Kelsey is going to regret for the rest of her life that she wasn't more cooperative about this.
I was miserable the day of my Bat Mitzvah. I hated the way Mom did my hair, my face had broken out badly, I didn't like my outfit, we had had to make some last-minute changes to my Torah portion and I wasn't comfortable with it. But it was still the most special day of my entire life. Granted, mine was in Masada, but even just the experience was so special and moving. The service that Dad had compiled (and he put a lot more time into Kelsey's, so it's even MORE persunal), the speech that we had all worked so hard on (yes, *I* worked on my speech too!). Kelsey's missing the whole point of the Bat Mitzvah.
I'm getting more and more sidetracked... um... where was I? Tuesday. Ah yes. We spent so long working on the speech -- we did get down a good, solid draft -- that I completely missed the GSA meeting, damnit. At least we got a lot done. Carley didn't come, so I went upstairs and started on my math (!!!!!!) and my global (!). (More exclamation marks for the math than the global, but still impressive either way!) I worked out in the evening too.
Wednesday, May 15th. Happy birthday to Na Lee, and also to Norlyn, who was in chorus with me, but I haven't talked to her in a long time. My last year of chorus, I was friends with a really nice group of girls, Norlyn, Sherlyn, Isis, Caroline, and Melodie. Norlyn and Sherlyn were sisters, they were homeschooled, VERY religious, they always wore super-long skirts and had really long hair. I'm occasionally in touch with Melodie -- she dances at Ailey, so I used to see her when I went for the end-of-the-year performances. Wednesday was also Turn Beauty Inside Out Day, dreamed up by New Moon magazine, which basically protests People's 50 Most Beautiful People in the world issue. So every year for the past two or three years they release an issue of 25 Beautiful Girls, who aren't beautiful for their looks, but for something they've done. It's a pretty good idea, actually.
So. Wednesday. I will finish this entry, I WILL... I finally got to REEF, because I really wanted to do the Rye Beach Cleanup, but it was fucking cancelled, damnit! So I wandered around the circle for five minutes looking for it, and then walked home. A very productive use of time. I'm being sarcastic, in case you couldn't tell. ;) Came home, did French homework, chemistry homework, Hebrew homework, I did my global reading on the unification of Germany, and I finally did those revisions on my Day of Silence article for journalism. We made brownies too. I need some to drop off at the youth group bake sale on Sunday, plus Mom is going to freeze some that we can have for the guests next week. We have way too many guests for the Bat Mitzvah. Bunny is coming (a great-uncle's daughter, so you work out the relationship), Kristin and Steve (they're the best, some friends from Utah), Dan might be staying, the K family (of the memorial service, minus Daniel; so it's Charlie, Andy, Sarah, and David), Peter and Kay (distant English cousins, they're fun)... rooming is going to be an issue!
Yesterday... good... Mrs. H wasn't there, but of course I didn't have French first period, so I couldn't sleep late. :( I ended up just working on stuff from my chem SAT II book. I did the part on radioactivity and some of the chapter on acids and bases. I had Hebrew with Joanne. We went into the living room and I practiced the Aliyah that I'll be doing... it's scary in there, it echoes! I also really have to get the "Atah Gibor" down smoothly. Gotta practice that this weekend. I did it for my Bat Mitzvah, but oddly, I don't remember, and I usually remember prayers pretty well. Did some more Bat Mitzvah-related stuff -- some typing for Mom, and some proofreading. Dad and Kelsey finished the service together.
Then we did a Grand Trying-On of Bat Mitzvah clothes... all the dresses, and we had to find tights, and see what colors and sizes, and pick jewelry, and check shoes and all that shit. We still have to decide what we're doing for hair (and that scares me, because there is no way in hell I'm wearing my hair up, and Mom and I can never agree on a good way to wear it down). We'll have to experiment with that this weekend.
As I was still in my Bat Mitzvah dress, the gate rang and Na Lee, Julie, and Katie had run over with track... that was a bit of a fast change... definitely not good timing, but what are you going to do... so they came inside and had brownies, which Mom had just baked, and some water. Julie had never been over but the other two had. Then Carley came... it was a mess!! Our new assignment is to take a short story and adapt it into some art form. Alexa's doing stuff with Sculpey, but it can be a play, a dance, a sculpture, a... well, a anything. No, an anything. That look weird. Hmmm. Yeah. :) So I have to pick a short story, and since I'm not terribly artistically inclined (make that, NOT artistically inclined), and since I don't get to ceramics that often, I think I'll either do something on Photoshop or make a video. That would be fun. We don't have that many more classes... next Tuesday I have the awards ceremony for the National French Contest, we don't have class on Thursday because of the Bat Mitzvah nor on Tuesday the 28th, we do have classes on the 30th, but those could be our LAST! (Either that or the Tuesday after.) So this is probably our last project, and I want to do a good job.
Last night was Lauren's National Honors Society induction. I was going to go with Mom and Dad, but she said it wouldn't be terribly enthralling, so she said that I should just stay home and watch the season finale of "Friends" and tape it for her. :) So I did! (I'm SUCH a good sister!) Mom brought brownies for the induction. The finale was good... I can't believe I have to wait until the fall to find out what Joey says to Rachel's acceptance of his "proposal"... did that make any sense? :) I want to get the first season on DVD!
About 8:45, David and Cassandra burst in. Yup, you read that right... Cassandra. Mom and Dad had only had about two days' warning, which didn't make them happy. See, David doesn't have a car, and because he is incapable of thinking ahead he didn't plan at all how he's going to get all of his stuff from Bates back to NY. I mean, there's no way Mom or Dad could drive up this weekend, or even last weekend. Mari and Mark are going to Bates the weekend of Kelsey's Bat Mitzvah because Alexis is graduating, and they're bringing a U-Haul and offered to take some of his stuff, but that would involve too much forward planning. So Cassandra, who has a car, drove David overnight back here with his computer and a bunch of his other stuff. This thrilled all of us, needless to say.
Today... we had mentoring program... I really miss Mr. J, Ms. I isn't very interesting... when I got home from school, I went upstairs and hung out with David, Cassandra, Alexa, and Kelsey for a while. David showed us a little bit about how to burn CDs and listen to music on his computer. He gave me permission to listen to his music, because it's mostly parental advisory :). He burned Alexa the LOTR soundtrack, but the cd was scratched so it skips on "The Bridge of Khazad-Dum," which does NOT make her happy! Then Kelsey went and played "Pinball" on David's computer and David, Cassandra, Alexa, and I played "Hearts." First one to get to sixty points was Cassandra, even though David says she usually wins at all card games. Giggle giggle.
Mom and Dad went out for dinner, so we decided to have a relaxing evening. First we watched about fifteen minutes of Chris O.'s prom video from 1987. It wasn't terribly interesting, so we mostly fast-forwarded, but the dresses were unbelievable!!! Then we switched to "Spaceballs" and watched the behind-the-scenes featurette, and some of the scenes with Mel Brooks' commentary, which wasn't terribly scintillating, so we turned it off and just watched the scenes. Lauren and I were up until late! (I'm finishing this entry early early on Saturday.)
I've got to go, the windows are being washed, no privacy whatsoever. More later.
**JESSICA'S NOTE** If you want to make me REALLY happy, go review something.
